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Spectacular Driving Test 
Failing a driving test is never a nice thing to experience and it is certainly never a laughing matter. Well usually it's not a laughing matter. OK sometimes you just have to laugh. I mean, how can they be so daft? They've trained for months and this is the result...
Names have been changed to protect the stupid!!
Hmmm...
I recently had a very nervous female Pupil who when taking her driving test was asked by the examiner, "What do you do for a living?" her reply was, "Oh, I'm a student."
She then said to the examiner... "So what do you do?"
After quite a pause he replied, "Well actually I'm a driving examiner!!"
Les Johnson
www.drivingtips.co.uk/LesJohnson
Grand Theft Auto...
Fiona came out of the test centre with her examiner and got into the car. She moved away, a little way down the road the examiner asked her to turn left. She went to indicate left but the indicator arm wasn't there. She looked around and let out a loud scream.
She had got into the wrong car at the centre! The keys were in the ignition and off she went.
By the time they walked back to the centre, the poor person whose car it was had lost her test as well.
Moral of the story: Do not leave your keys in the ignition before your test.
Donal Hopkins
Potters Bar, Brookmans Park, Barnet, St Albans areas.
www.DriveMastersPlus.co.uk
Singin' in the rain...
My pupil Paul was on test and feeling nervous as they often do. Halfway through it started to rain quite heavily and Paul couldn't remember how to demist the windscreen and asked the examiner for help.
"Just drive as you usually do and pretend I'm not here." came the unhelpful reply. So he wound down the window.
Back at the test centre the very unhappy examiner complained "I'm half soaked"
"Oh so half of you is here then" grinned Paul.
Clive Greenaway - Impact School of Motoring.
Intensive holiday courses, automatic & manual, short courses & quick tests, trailer training (B+E), motorway lessons, pass plus, most of Dorset covered.
www.clivethedrive.co.uk
Slip sliding away...
Carl was doing quite well. His manoeuvres went perfectly, his emergency stop was flawless, even his hill start was professionally carried out. However, things were about to go pear-shaped.
At 40mph on a dual-carriageway, the examiner asked Carl to "Take the next road on the left".
A simple enough request, except that Carl had convinced himself that because he was on a dual-carriageway, there must be a slip-road. Therefore he should maintain his current speed until he was clear of the main carriageway.
Good thinking. But not what his eyes should have told him!
As he entered the narrow side road at 40mph and started to slide with a heart-stopping screech of tyres, the fear started to set in.
The examiner reached over and somehow managed to regain control, bringing the car to a halt on the right hand pavement just short of number 43's nicely pruned roses.
They calmly walked back to the test centre where the examiner explained to me what had happened.
"Not to worry" he said, "All in a day's work."
Worrying, isn't it, when that's a normal day's work.
That's one way to fail..!
At the test centre a young man had managed to find a convenient spot to park, directly outside the test centre. He'd come in his own car with who I assumed was his dad.
He came into the test centre looking confident. A little too confident if you know what I mean - cocky looking. Little did he expect what was to follow.
The examiners came out and went through their usual procedure. The young man, James, was called and he led the examiner out to his car.
After his eyesight test and safety questions, James got into the car while the examiner walked round making the usual checks.
Then it came. No sooner had James attempted to move away, than the examiner had stopped him, handed him his fail sheet and got out!
You see, the road outside the test centre is a one-way street. Unbelievably he'd parked facing the wrong way. Apparently the examiner considered driving the wrong way down a one-way street to be a little bit dangerous.
10 out of 10 for being a 'muppet', but his dad deserves some of the credit for this cock-up I feel.
Phill Godridge
www.godridges.co.uk
A smashing bit of driving...
Having arrived at the test centre to find a limited choice of parking spaces, a colleague of mine thought it a good idea to get his pupil to park forwards in the parking bay rather than trying to shuffle round to park in reverse. This would mean starting the test in reverse, but he had confidence in his pupil and knew that wouldn't be a problem.
However, having listened to the examiner's briefing, Daniel reversed out of the parking space and turned left so as to face the car park exit. Unfortunately, in doing so he managed to crash straight through the test centre dors and int the lobby.
I don't supose the examiner has ever had such a short walk back to his office.
Sitting on the fence...
It was almost at the end of her driving test, when Gemma was asked to park the car in one of the available parking bays in the test centre car park.
Having already completed two manoeuvres successfully, she had only to pull into the space forwards and the test would surely be passed.
She turned the car and lined up perfectly with the bay, drove smoothly into the bay and... continued out of the back of the bay, over the grassed verge and on. Finally coming to rest with the front half of the car poking through a car shaped hole in the DSA's brand new boundary fence.
Phill
www.drivingtips.co.uk
Van-Tastic way to fail...
On a fairly busy stretch of road with a 40mph speed limit, Martin had remembered that his instructor had told him to 'make progress' and that 'more candidates fail each year for driving too slowly than for speeding'.
Unfortunately on this occasion he was faced with a situation which required a little less speed and a lot more caution.
Directly in front of him were two very large removal vans. The position of the vans and the slight curve in the road meant that his view of the road ahead was completely blocked.
Undeterred by this, Martin continued to accelerate to 40mph and overtook the vans regardless.
By all accounts, the examiner turned quite pale as the Ford Escort driving towards them swerved onto the grass, followed by cars screeching to a halt in a blare of horns, and Martin just escaping back to the left side of the road before coming to an abrupt stop by the kerb.
It was a good 30 seconds of deep breathing before the examiner managed to utter the immortal words - "Sorry Martin. On this occasion you haven't passed. Would you like me to explain why?"
Phill
www.drivingtips.co.uk
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